Rob's Pile of Transformers: Best (And Worst) of ATT 2003

Robert Powers

Transfan and general compiler, accumulator, and acquirer of various


is pleased to present



(and Worst)



- - -


in twelve parts.

Remarking upon the General


and on certain


within that



incorporated and recognized throughout the realm of USENET.

...uh, what was I saying again?

Oh yeah.

Jan. 18, 2002
NEWS: debuts! Bow down and worship, ingrateful ones!

From VegetaPrime, quoting Sky Shadow:
Helpful hint: Galvy's the one in the background:

" I shall fondle them with my bare hands!"

From Walky, on whether Optimus was originally intended to return after the Movie:
> i have to disagree with the "no optimus" bit
> at the end of the film (cinema + vhs + dvd) there is a bloke who says "and
> the greatest autobot of them all will return" or words to that effect

You silly. They were talking about Brawn.

[And later...]
Nah, it's Ironhide. Brawn can't return if he isn't gone.

But Brawn *was* gone. He was on vacation playing doctor with 34 of those
Paradon Medics.

Fair enough.

Man, big green sure knows how to party.

THREAD: "[ART] Reflector: Sight Unseen"
From Jackpot, quoting Dan C:
> >

> "Document contains no data"

> And the link at the DW forum is blank too, it...
> ...
> Waaaaaaaaaait a minute.

> All this talk about invisibility, sneakiness, and stuff...
> The image was never there, was it? This is all some elaborate hoax,
> just to catch people like me totally off guard. What is your secret,
> twisted plan, Number Two? What diabolical reason could you possibly
> have for bringing this foul, cruel joke upon me?

Art, being fundamentally subjective, truly exists only in one's own
perception; that is to say, I the artist pass on to you the viewer only
meaningless images, and *you* apply whatever significance or lack
thereof your own mind attributes to said images. Therefore, said I,
since I can only impress upon the viewer that which already exists in
the viewer's head, my imagery is superfluous. The ideas are *in you,*
my son, and by exhibiting the *absence* of art, I demonstrate this fact.
Look at all the replies that have come before you! How right you are to
point out this focus upon "invisibility" - the viewers are attempting to
rationalize their discordant experience by wrapping aspects of their
expectations (TF) around the unacceptable, incomprehensible reality (the
Void). Reflector seeing what can't be seen? Consciously or not, this
audience is projecting its own irrational, contradictory struggle with
truth upon my so-called "work." Thus do I provoke as much - if not more
- mental activity than if I'd presented an actual drawing! Where is the
worth in my precious imagery then, hm? Moreover, this lesson extends
beyond me and you and this silly toyline: It is a call to believe not
in our external gods, but in our internal guides.

- Jackpot (Or the server was down last night. Take your pick.)

THREAD: " [DVD] ARGH! Added Sound Effects on Rhino DVDs"
notus00@aol.comNOSPAM (Notus00) says:
I am not even half way through the first episode of the Season II DVD Set and
the sound effects added by Rhino are driving me crazy! Every single sound
effect is accompanied by a *sizzle* that sounds like something flying into a
bug zapper!

Optimus' rifle shots aren't supposed to *sizzle*. Megatron's fusion cannon
shots aren't supposed to *sizzle*. Every explosion of any kind doesn't have a
*sizzling* sound. I'm surprised that the transformation noise isn't
accompanied by a continuous *sizzling* noise.
It's like buying Roy Roger's Greatest Hits only to find that the people
releasing the album inserted electric guitar riffs and techno pop here and
there to make it sound "cooler".

From Zob:
Derik Smith wrote:
> Hope you don't mind me putting the link to your page Zob.

> *waits for Zob to do his cute thing*

What cute thing? I have a "cute thing"? I wasn't aware I was getting that
predictable. (Well, I mean, Sky Shadow has already figured out that I'm little
more than a collection of pre-programmed, knee-jerk responses, but...)

Jan 20, 2003:

THREAD: "Fallen Angel"
From Tom W, on how Galvatron was colored in the UK comics:
The pages starting with Galvy saying 'DIIE!'? Don't have the reprint, but
I've just had a look, and the pages are all purple and green in my
original...which is really weird, I could've sworn they were fine the last
time I looked...Obviously part of some evil Decepticon plot to take over the
world's cyan ink supply...

Tom W.
Fantastic sound effects though..."Skrank!" "Kroonch!" "Chush!"

THREAD: "Spikes wife"
From Jackpot, on Carly::
> and if she's his wife, is she Daniel's mum?

Verily, and the womb of the flaxon-hair'd harlot did vomit forth
abomination unto the end of days.

From Tresteb342, on the old "what happened to Sparkplug?" question:
spark Plug was changed after 50,000 miles.

THREAD: "unicron"
Armada Unicron will be Neo Unicron! No it won't! Yes it will! Here's a photoshopped image! Hey, that's definative proof!

THREAD: " Hereo's Of Cybertron (Windsor, Ontario)"
From Jackpot:
[looks at subject]

If that's not a breakfast cereal in the making, I don't know what is.

- Jackpot (Ooo, those kids'll never catch me Lucky Chase Figures!)

From: (thetransformerscollector)
Subject: Re: Exclusives
Date: 23 Jan 2003 15:05:05 -0800

i have to agree with dr j i mean the closets toys r us to mee is 3
hours away and thats to far to drive for toys, especialy oif they cost
more than if other stores would get them. at elast the reissues should
be sold every where cuz those have the hiest demand, they sell out
everywhere and when they do get to ebay, which is the only place i
have to buy at, they cost almost as much as teh originals, which io
cant fford anyways. so i think that everybody gets screwed by

thats just my opinion you can disagree fi youd like

Jan. 28, 2003
THREAD: "DW News Release on Profiles/MTMTE "
A preview of some keen-lookin' art and news of the book's delayed release.

From Mark Brown:
Heh. I like how Broadside is ducking to avoid his own jet mode. ;)

"Self-decapitation humour is always fun."

Jan 29, 2003

THREAD: "Bush: Freedom is the right of all sentient people."

From Hydra:
Did he actually say that? As opposed to what, non-sentient people? So,
we can enslave the dead, or what?

Noah Carroll replies:
Quoted from transcript on
"Americans are a free people, who know that freedom is the right of every
person and the future of every nation. The liberty we prize is not America's
gift to the world; it is God's gift to humanity."

Would've been funny, but, alas, it was just not meant to be.

Feb 2, 2003
THREAD: "Armada kinda sucks"
From Chad Young , brave and stalwart defender of the people, courageously defending us from what we don't realize is bad for us:
Hello! I've been saying that the past three shows (RID, Armada and that
other one that Skir wrote) have sucked for the past three or four years.

And, thanks to Lexxxus and I, Scott McNeil is having none of Armada. We
talked him out of it at Anime USA. It took a while, but I think we got
through to him....Unless he did go and do it...

Feb 4, 2003
THREAD: "female transfans"
From Jackpot:
Merytneith wrote:
> Anyway, I have my suspicions about Elita-1, too. Four
> million years and not a single complaint about Prime being
> gone. Hmmm.
> Of course, Optimus is probably just the kind of guy who'd be
> really understanding about it. He'd probably just want
> pictures.
> --Mery, and I really don't understand *that*, either...

Well, some girls have a thing for gay guys (as this thread has
established), and some guys have a thing for lesbians. It's a bizarre
kind of cosmic balance. Chalk it up to God's omniwacky sense of humor.

- Jackpot (Although it's worth noting that girls have a thing for
real-life gay guys minus the sex, while guys have a thing for fantasy
lesbians with sex required. The implications are probably deep and far-
reaching, if I could just think clearly enough about this to analyze

ObTF: Despite mountains of fanart to the contrary, ROBOTS DON'T HAVE
SEX. There. I said it.

And from Aaron Borque:
How hard is it, really? One pretty girl + one pretty girl = yummi.

Aaron "The Mad Whitaker" Bourque; oh, wait: women and math.

Feb 5, 2003

From Tom Prankerd:
Red, despite having no right arm and only a cursory relationship between his
head and body, clobbers Brawn -

From Desparado, on scale in Armada:
> There has been in ~this~ line. All the Minicons have to be at least ~around~
> the same size. mean a skateboard is *supposed* to be the same size as the trucks that
haul around the space shuttles? I mean, seriously. I've never seen a pickup
truck that was the same size as a Concorde jet *and* a bicycle.

Feb 10, 2003
THREAD: "Unicron Toyfare Info!"

From Walky:
> > The Minicon - Nebulon. Unadulterated effin' genius.

> That is frikkin' beautiful.

> Aaron "The Mad Whitaker" Bourque; we still need a Cybertron toy, though . . .

I'm sort of miffed my Headmasters aren't to scale with it, actually.

(Nebulon has a case of the Hives...)

From Ramen Junkie, quoting Aaron Borque, on Armada Megs:
> > The lack of joints is a massive turn off.

> You're not meant to be having *sex* with the thing . . .

But.. but.. the canon!
-- Ramen
There is another reason it swings around front like that?

Feb 13, 2003
From Jackpot, re: Apex Armor Prime's tech spec:
So... between his original name of "Godbomber" and his new moniker,
"Apex Bomber," I have to ask... does he actually have a flight mode? Or
does he just run around planting bombs?

- Jackpot (So he says to me, he says, YEAH baby YEAH! I'm the
Evil Apex Bomber What Bombs at the Apex!)

From Sky Shadow:
Anyway, the reason I was thinking about Motormaster's 'roller' yesterday, is
because 'Dune Buggy' by the Presidents of the United States came on the
radio, and I remembered that back when I was a kid playing with
Transformers, my cousin had the Stunticons, and the roller chest-plate thing
used to have all sorts of amazing and improbable adventures.

And its name was 'Doom Buggy.'

Feb 22, 2002
THREAD: "Budiansky interview on The Hub"
At LAST!!!

From Aaron Borque:
But all of this is beside the point. The point is, comparing George
Lucas to Bob Budiansky is like comparing apples to oranges.
Actually, it's more like . . . eccentric comparing an architect
hell-bent on building the World's Tallest Building and a contractor
tasked with designing the local mega-mall.

THREAD: "TF JCPenny's Catalog Scans"
Yeah, baby. I've got a Seeker for ya... in my *pants*.

From Steve-o, quoting Jackpot:
I'd say our commonly-accepted fandom history needs a bit of revision.

First, the widescreen movie. Then Romita models. Now, hunter-seekers.
It's a pity these stories die so easily, or I might have some sense of

THREAD: "gay transformer fans "
This is why I come here -- the scintalating verbal partee, such as this thesis claim by "thetransformercollector":

well I hope I dont sound like Im flaming you but im so sorry you are
gay, as a christain I must say that distrubs me considerable and I
feel like I should remind you that God is AGIUANST it and that you
need help and I will pray for you. I KNOW ill get flamed for that cuz
christains are being more and more looked down upon lately. I dont
mean to sound like im saying your a bad person and personaly it dont
affect me other than that its wrong and I felt I should point that
out. peace out

NEWS: Sea Mini-Cons and the two repainted teams found.
From Mark Brown:
"Point Blank" wrote...
> Fetch


And Scattor and Broadside will hereby be renamed to "Roll-over" and "Sit."


From: (Onslaught Six)

Launching ROller at your sister never hurt anyone except your
sister...and you cuz ya got grounded and Prime got thrown into
Megatron's Robo-Smasher (Read: Garbage Compacter.)...

Oh New Year's Prime reissue, I barely knew yee...

THREAD: "Cybertron IS Earth" / "Omega Point. [Was: Cybertron IS Earth] "
(or, The Grebo Guru Show starring Jackpot and Derik Smith!)
See? This is what Beast Wars gives us. Oh blessed joy!

From Jackpot:
Somehow the idea of having your soul absorbed by Megatron would strike
me as being anathema to the Autobot/Maximal nature. Not that it's
necessarily part of the 'Con/Pred nature either, but the cartoon 'Cons
always struck me as being more rigidly divided between The Leader and
The Followers. (The best example of this is how they decayed between
TF:TM and FFoD, wasting away until SOMEBODY finally took charge - first
the Quints, then Galvy.)

- Jackpot (And it's a sad state of affairs when GALVATRON, of all
'bots, is your guiding star.)

Again from Jackpot:
At any rate, Uni is worried. He's suddenly seen all of his potential
futures shift as an unlikely event happened, so now the Shokaract
futures are in the minority. However, he can't just reach through time
and pull a Galvatron out or something; as a disembodied essence, he
can't really do much at all. But what he CAN do... is send a message to
a future self. Reaching out into one of the few remaining Shokaract
futures, he gives a command to that Shokky via the Dark Essence he
carries: Send time-travelers back to secure or destroy the transfer
interlink in the BW era.

Uni succeeds in delivering the order, but Shokky's best efforts fail
anyway. While Apelinq doesn't, in fact, end up using the transfer
interlink on Unicron... Megatron just blasts him with fiery halitosis,
to the same effect. Bye-bye Uni, bye-bye Shokaract.

And one more time from Jackpot, on mashing continuities together:
For myself, my personal tolerance for canon-
meshing depends upon on which series you regard as "fact." For
instance, if you're writing a fanfic, but you decide not to stick to any
previous canon absolutely, then that's all right, since your own
writings are the "factual" depictions of events, while the 'toons and
comics are the "mythological" depictions of your fanfic universe's

However, if you're analyzing TF history by itself, and you feel like
mashing a few continuities together, then I find it necessary to regard
at least ONE series as inviolable, with everything else being changed to
conform to and enrich it. For instance, the G1 'toon and G1/G2 comics
being reworked and melded into a single history for the intact,
unchanged Beast series. Or (as Furman actually DID), changing dialogue
and whatnot in the US comics to conform to the UK stories. That sort of

Now, it sounds like you're trying to create an all-encompassing TF
history that includes major elements from EVERY continuity, making
alterations to all of them in the process. And, while I can't fault
that on any objective principle, on a personal level, I can't help but
think, "And what will you do with it when it's DONE?" If no series is
left unchanged, then it's ultimately inapplicable to any of those series
as they are. It's a history without a story to enrich.

From Derik Smith:
I fully expect sometime in the next 10 years we'll get a story about how
Cybertron really is Earth. Not because it's a good story, or even an inspired
one, but just because writers would rather tell a 'big' story than a good one.

From Walky:
Hm. Bob or Larry once mentioned that Cheetor was the youngest of the
original Beast Wars characters, being about 70 years old. IIRC. Mind, that's not
technically canon or anything, but it's always colored my perception of the G1-BW

Even if the "span of decades" was an entire 80 years... he's still one of
the oldest Maximals. Imagine an entire race of him, plodding around at nearly a century old and
still wanting to go to Six Flags over Cybertron. Eep.

From Jackpot:
David Willis wrote:
> the Omega Point
> stories by Furman aren't exactly the most comprehendable read. I've
> tried to read the thing about five times by now, and I still don't
> know what the hell is going on.

Well, what don't you get?

C'mon, look at this thread. "Omega Point" is as easy as "Dick and

- Jackpot ("See Dick. See Dick run. See Dick send Spot into the
far-distant past to prevent the destruction of his own timeline and the
cessation of his existence in a futile bid that ultimately creates the
very catastrophe he'd hoped to counteract, shredding the fabric of space
and time in a maelstrom of paradoxical contradictions. See Jane OD on

From Derik Smith, quoting Desparado:
> I HAD that book in kindergarten!

I REMEMBER having it, but the book tiself was erased from the timestream.

Also from Derik Smith, with Jackquotage:
Predestination is just a pretty way of saying 'history flows
downhill.' If there is a massive temporal event in the near future,
it could well affect events in the past. A gravity well of
destiny. Sufficiently large masses warp space, why wouldn't
sufficiently large temporal snarls warp time in every direction?

>Paradoxes flipping back and forth between impossibilities, trying to find
>a 'stable' configuration of history and future-history- though none exists. In
>such a situation with an... epileptic timeline tuning Shokaract in and out of
>existence... he might be able to (since he's one of only 2 players in this game
>who can actually see through time) consider, and then carefully insert his own
>agents into the past to create a stable outcome that the universe will choose
>by default- one favoring himself.

...of course I don't favor this theory. At some point, the universe has
to resolve paradoxes. You don't just get an error message saying;

......So, um... who are you to say that when the universe hits a really bad
paradox time doesn't turn to snot and slosh around until it assumes a workable
configuration? Prove that's not what happens in a paradox. ;)

>However, another option that I find more palatable is that Shokky's just
>plain paranoid. He doesn't care if Apelinq unmolested will actually USE
>the TI to unseat the Dark Essence during the Beast Wars; Shokky just
>wants the damn MacGuffin out of Maximal hands - especially around the
>DE. So his paranoia does him in, since everything would've been fine if
>he'd left well enough alone.

Point, if you created a device capable of altering time, opening transwarp
portals, creating new life, and making thousands of julian fries, wouldn't you
be just a TCH nervous if the guy who found it after you lost it somehow just
HAPPENED to end up next to your prize potato crop?

Derik again, on Unicron's arrival at Cybertron:
I don't know, but nevertheless int he US comis we see him, 13 issues AFTER
the scream, suddenly deciding to take an even shorter route. Maybe to a god 14
years is a reasonably quick response. Choosing to make it to Cybertron in a
year and a half constitutes an unseemly rush. ;)

From Shaithis X:
All I mean to say with this thread was the show is good, but they need
to be a little more careful with what they say. The person in charge
of continuity should be fired. Twice.

From Tom Walsh:
"Mike Bruno" wrote in message
> How is Unicron going to factor into the Armada storyline? Will he be the
> same Unicron from the G1 continuity?

No. As revealed by the pics in Toyfare, Unicron now transforms into a hat (a
Viking helmet, to be precise). At some point in the cartoon Fred will be
given this hat, which will start controlling his mind and make him take over
the universe - by attaching Minicons to the brim of said hat, he will
increase in size until he's as big as a planet (a nod to G1), thus
reinforcing the main message of Armada: it's OK to make fun of fat people,
because they're really evil. He will finally be defeated when Optimus bakes
a giant pie with Matrix filling.

NEWS: Yahoo!!! News-o-rama-fest! Transformers: Universe, and loads of upcoming Armada toys are revealed at Hasbro's fan show. SWEET.

From Desparado00, quoting Steven Acevedo:
>True. But I've learned that there's comes a time when you have to
>start thinking beyond the need to rely on TV shows for all life's

That is a sick thought. How could you even suggest such utterly ridiculous and
laughable lunacy? TV is the bringer of life and wisdom. What TV giveth, TV
taketh away.

Now that this has been said, when does WWF come on again?

From Velvet Glove:
Yeah, G1 is always going to have the advantage of nostalgia, but Beast
Wars is a great cartoon on its own merits. I don't think every TF fan
has to watch it, but I'm in this strictly for childhood nostalgia and
I've still been converted. I'd definitely recommend it.

Velvet Glove (of course, it's not the same without the old
transforming sound. And miscolourings. And backgrounds swapping from
space to sky at the drop of a hat)

THREAD: " Galvatron 2"
The lives and time travels of everyone's favorite time-travelling all-powerful Decepticon leader.

THREAD: "Duration of the Beast Wars"
Does one season really have to equal one year?

THREAD: "What'll Rhino do after Season 3 part 2?"
Dubbed duds, scrubbed subs.

THREAD: " Rewriting the Canon (Brawn's dead, Skywarp's Cyclonus and Bombshell's a Sweep.)"
Does DVD cover copy count as canon?

From Commander Crayfish:
Sometimes Optimus Prime is a complex, self-analyzing, tortured leader. Other
times he's a rootin', tootin' cowboy. And sometimes he is a sarcastic

From Turin:
They can *say* whatever they want. It doesn't make it true. They can
say that the Matrix is really a sticky sweet caramel that gives Hot Rod
a sugar high so he can toss Galvatron out the window. If that gets on
the next DVD, will that make it what "really" happened? Nope.

From Commander Crayfish:
I used to have this theory the Optimus Prime Oral Care Station is in fact
Dental Convoy, with his powerful Fluoride Matrix. "Destrons threaten the
sanctity of the world's tooth enamel! But Commander Convoy summons legendary
Cybertron warrior DENTAL CONVOY to protect children's teeth triumphantly!"

From Gustavo Wombat:
In BW/BM, we learn that all transformers have sparks, even the G1
transformers. It doesn't conflict with anything in the G1 cartoon,
although it does the meaning behind some things to change:

1. Vector Sigma is a spark dispensing machine
2. The Dinobots are creepy soul-less automatons
3. The Technobots are creepy soul-less automatons

From Steve-o:
On Mon, 31 Mar 2003 07:39:43 GMT, Túrin wrote:
> If the colouring book says Starscream is a Quintesson in
> disguise, that's interesting but it doesn't mean Starscream in the
> *cartoon* is really a Quintesson. Just the one in the colouring book.
> Actually that'd be a pretty cool colouring book.

ATTENTION FAN-ARTISTS: Walky, Jackpot, Zob, whoever... PLEASE DRAW THIS.
I'm not asking for a whole coloring book. Just a Quintesson judge in a
really, really bad Starscream costume. Make sure the tentacles and little
hover-beam are still plainly visible. Thank you, that is all.

From Doug Dlin:
Merytneith_X wrote:
> Well, it's official. After pestering the doctors all this
> week, my husband and I now have a solid due date for our
> son, so tonight I'm going tonight to the hospital. And it's
> about time, too, because I've been dealing with labor pains
> for the last four days and it really *is* a pain. It's
> really true what they say, that when you're pregnant the
> last month feels like nine months all by itself. Ugh.

Uh-huh. Like you'd have any time for activities of that sort in the
middle of law school. Nice try there, Mrs. _X, but that one won't work
on us...


...the LAW SCHOOL part was the lie all along! Which means all your
copiously dispensed legal advice was just so much alternate-continuity
smoke and mirrors! For shame, Mrs. _X, for shame!

Doug Dlin
apcog @
Thoroughly indignated 'cause it feels so good.

Mery replies:
Just goes to show how what *you* know.

Fact is, ALL legal advice, in fact, all *law* is smoke and
mirrors. Anybody who tells you different is trying to get
you to sign a retainer.

From Jackpot:
THREAD: "Might as well confess MY secret troll identity too."

I'm you.

That's right. You.

Have you EVER stopped to think that you and I have NEVER been in the same room together? That, somehow, we both just happen to know all this stuff about Transformers? That you look EXACTLY like me, only with glasses?

Think about every time you've gone into ATT, seen some new posts from me, and then realized that you had ABSOLUTELY NO MEMORY OF THE PREVIOUS FORTY-EIGHT HOURS. Where do you think that huge scar on your left arm came from? What about all those receipts in your desk drawer for plane tickets to exotic and dangerous locales, like Moscow, Montevideo, Winnepeg?

You can perform with grace and confidence all seven levels of the bear-hunt ritual of the Siberian Yenisei Otsyak tribe, equally adept at the roles of initiate or clan leader. Why?

I know this will probably take some time to accept. I certainly would be skeptical if I were you. Which, of course, I am. SEE? Anyway, whether you're convinced or not, I think you should go to a doctor right away about those odd "bug bites" on your shin. SUPPOSEDLY the snake was non- poisonous, but the locals have some.... interesting tales on the subject.

By their estimate, you've got three to five hours.

- Jackpot (Also, while you're out, grab me some ice cream sandwiches and an 80-lb bag of contractor-grade Type M mortar. Thanks; 'preciate it.)

THREAD: "J'nwan question"
Grebo writes:
3 - Is J'nwan a metaphor for "marketing hell"?

Hasbro has apparently stated that from now on all TF stories will be
continuity retreads, like RiD and Armada are. In that case, G1's
Optimus Prime and Megatron have been cursed, essentially, to be
reincarnated in new timelines over and over again, never to return to
their original, "native" continuity. Is J'nwan supposed to be the
story-world equivalent of this Wheel-Of-Life-Cum-Marketing?

THREAD: "Gave Beast wars another chance and... "
From Darkclaw:
Jackpot says:
> Anyway, there IS one thing that bugs me about Screamer's BW appearance,
> and that's that there's no explanation for how he somehow time-travelled
> to prehistoric Earth at all, much less to the exact right point to meet
> the Maxies and Preds. But, hey, at least they got his scheming self
> right.

From "Possession": "My exostructure was destroyed, but miraculously
my spark endured, drifting helplessly through the depths of space,
beyond the reach of Time itself."

-- DC; Hey, you never said it had to be a particularly GOOD

From thetransformercollector, on Starscream, or possibley on thetransformercollector:
Well of course he didn't return to galvatrons cuz he was the guy who killed
him in the first place. I also figure in since I was reissued in g1 he must
have survived that long.
reasons he wasn't on the sow anymore was cuz he wasn't a toy being sold at
the time so there was no reason to keep him plus the season 3 writers were
all lazy and just couldn't come up with a good explanation.

[Talk about bringing a whole new meaning to "Beast Wars"....]

THREAD: "[ART] Shrapnel: The Body Electric"
Mery says:
Jackpot wrote:
> Hell, Guernica is the LAST place I'd want to visit, after seeing his
> mural. I have a hard enough time navigating in ordinary cities; I'd
> NEVER find my way around that Cubist nightmare. The minotaur alone
> would eat me alive.

Yeah, not to mention that there's just that *one* light bulb for, y'know, like the *whole* city and stuff.

Deux coups de poing! COUPS DE POING!!!

NEWS: Beast Wars Season 1 DVD box set shipping this summer! SWEEEEEEET.

THREAD: "Glen Hallit at"
More on the de-H-ing of 3H. And... hi, Dennis? No. Not Dennis.

From Derik Smith:
Suspsy wrote:
> Hopefully, this will help put to rest the idiotic notion
> that Glen is the Anti-Christ.

Hey, I've been supporting Glen based on the notion that he IS the Anti-Christ!

We are living in the It-Never-Ends Times, you know.

Go Glenn! Sign of the Devil man!


B. ehhhhhhh, maybe chopperface have changer his activation code again.
D. The answer is simple, I TAKE THE CONTROL!
E. Prepare for your death today Ultra Magnus yer gonna die!
F. I do not doing anything at present.

From Steve-o, quoting Derik Smith:
But Prime didn't HAVE the Matrix whent he Quinte reanimated him. Roddy
gave ti to him later.

He probably meant the Matrix (otherdimensional realm), not the Matrix
(doohickey with handles). Neither of which should be confused with the
Matrix (autonomously functioning protoform factory) or the Matrix (no one
can be told what the Matrix is).

April 26, 2003

From Desparado, quoting Jackpot:
Write a fanfic that I can finish reading in five seconds flat.

- Jackpot (See now, that's what's great about the drawrings.
Gratification - Instantly!(tm))

Ah, but if you'd take your time, both parties could experience gratification,
rather than one experiencing instant gratification and the other being stuck
with the check. ;)

April 29, 2003
THREAD: " I didn't like Beast Wars, but.."

From Zob:
Gustavo Wombat wrote:
Shockwave could shrink, but he just never chose to.

You know, I bet he was thrilled out of his mind when Bruticus actually used him
as a gun. "Ah! I have... I have waited for someone to hold me! Yes, you
military brute! Pull my trigger!"

April 30, 2003
NEWS: Dreamwave's More Than Meets The Eye #1 hits stands. Sweetness!

THREAD: "Optimus Prime vs. Hitler"
From Josh Hammonds:

No, really:!newsite/pages/news/20030430tfjoe.htm

Results from April's poll, a comprehensive survey of Transfans, investigating the pivitol issue of WHAT DO YOU DOING!!!!
42%: Hahahahahaha, and he say FOR ME!!!!
27%: I EaT yOuR bAbIeS
6%: You can't blame EVERYTHING on Chromedome.
3%: It knows the counterpart's intention. And it is with a gun.
94%: Whaaaaat?

May 5, 2003
From Jackpot, brilliantly in keeping with this year's theme: thetransformercollector wrote:
To examine pictures goto and check out the
1884 page,

Ah yes, back when TFs were laced with cocaine.

- Jackpot (HASBLO SUXXORS! Bring back Horatio Thatcher's Patent
Magneto-Electric Transfiguratory Playthings (for quick remedy of nervous
diseases, toothache, tic-Doloreus, and Neuralgia in young and old

From the... *prolific*, we'll say, mind of DudeFace:
THREAD: " No Teeth on G1"
THREAD: " Galvatron!?"
THREAD: "Silverbolt?"
THREAD: "The Beast Wars Part 1 , my own critiques"
THREAD: "What the heck is a Troll?"

From Mark Brown:
"Jesterinazz" wrote in message


Is this the new "Cryotek will eat. . ." now?


From Zob:

NEWS: BotCon is no longer BotCon....

From Steve-o:
On Sun, 11 May 2003 21:34:42 -0400, Mark Brown wrote:
Yeah, it has all the warmth and sincere charm of one of Shockwave's
thank-you notes.

Attention proximate ancestor:

Two cycles and 14.3 breems prior to this comminique, the package you sent
arrived via space bridge. It's contents -- 4 cubes of high-grade energon,
datatrax compiling first-hand accounts of the Autobot seige on Darkmount
during the second war, and an o-part with electrotacium etchings -- were
undamaged in transit. As 382 vorns have passed since we were last in
contact, I had not anticipated such a shipment. Few Transformers keep
their records well-enough organized to have recalled the pi^pi^pi vorn
anniversary of my promotion to planetary steward. Your attention to such
detail demonstrates admirable mental acuity, though it has been utilized
in an inefficient and trivial manner. Nevertheless, I have found a
practical use for each item, so your gesture has been beneficial. This
notice serves as confirmation of receipt.

Signed and authorized for transmission by: Shockwave

From Star Saber:
Gift received. Sentiment unnecessary. Thought appreciated.

Omega Supreme

THREAD: "Transformers the Movie Cut Scenes"
.....THIS again. It never ends, does it?

From Steve-o:
On Mon, 12 May 2003 13:15:05 -0400, paul wrote:
True, but I never understood how they just stood up without a word and
started fighting. I think any self-respecting Autobot would be saying
SOMETHING when they're shooting "You'll never take this shuttle!" or "I'll
KILL you for what you did to Brawn!" But just to stand there..

I like Matt Marshall's take on it from his movie parody. Brawn has a
line besides just, "Decepticons!":

BRAWN: I don't have any weapons, but for some reason I believe that
running into eight heavily armed fighting machines will ensure
my victory.

THREAD: "(OT) Rhino GI JOE DVD sets"
With special added flaming sound effects!

NEWS: R.I.P. Robert Stack, 1919-2003
Prepare for your death today Ultra Magnus indeed....

NEWS: A Soundwave reissue is on its way!

NEWS: RiD Dinobots begin hitting the shelves en masse.

THREAD: "Susp vs. (yeah, not much of a bout, I know)"
THREAD: "Hasbro owes you nothing"
THREAD: " My thoughts on Proto Pics"
THREAD: "Pondering OTFCC Exclusive Toys"
THREAD: " About these "Mystery" exclusives... (and there's no "spoilers" here)" spoils the BotCon exclusives; Hasbro lays the smack down; Transfandom in general tries, and fails, to play nice.

Some choice tidbits......

From's personalized Suspy web page:
>Hello, Suspy. Welcome to your very own customized page. You should really
feel quite honored that I took the time to customize such a wonderful
website just for you.

Let's see, what did I want to talk about? Oh yah! I wanted to discuss why
you are such a bitter, bitter young boy. Such a shame, really, that you have
nothing better to do than try and ruin things for people.

From Hasbro's letter to
"We are counsel for Hasbro, Inc., which owns all rights to the
trademarks and copyrights associated with TRANSFORMERS(r) toys and related

"We have seen your website called "," which contains
numerous images of TRANSFORMERS(r) toys, packaging, and promotional
materials. In particular, we have become aware that your website is
displaying unauthorized photographs of prototype [SPOILY SPOILY] action

"We hope that you realize that the display of these prototypes has not
been authorized by Hasbro, and therefore constitutes copyright
infringement in violation of 17 U.S.C. § 501. Although we appreciate
your interest in the figures, your unauthorized display of them is
detrimental to the TRANSFORMERS(r) property as a whole.

From DVD:
On Fri, 23 May 2003 07:52:50 -0700, Star Shuttle wrote:
Suspsy, did anyone ever tell you that nobody likes a tattle-tale? A ~lot~
of us wanted to see those pics.

Wow. I am stunned at the level of bratty-little-kidness displayed by
that statement. But, sadly, not surprised...I've really been expecting
SOMEONE to invoke that statement in reference to Susp, given that all too
many people don't leave behind the bad parts of childhood.

Dave Van Domelen, lesse...Hasbro is being cool to fans by doing all
these various things, and they merely ask that we abide a few reasonable
restrictions. Yeah, that's totally unfair, and we should break the rules and
lie about it as much as possible.

From Steve-o:
I'm not sure what the right way to say this is...

It doesn't matter if you want to see the pictures. You are not entitled
to see them. You have no right to see them, you have no right to expect
to see them. The exclusives are 3H's property, and any and all leaked
pictures are *criminal*, representing stolen photos if not (much more
likely) stolen toys. No matter how desperate you are to see the toys, it
is still absolutely, 100% immoral and illegal to distribute them.

All this is especially idiotic when you consider that *everyone* will be
able to see the toys once the convention has started. Is it really so
important to you to see them early? Is this whole phenomenon some sort of
lashing out by people who aren't attending the convention, feeling bitter
about it, and trying to ruin the experience for the convention's
organizers and two thousand attendees?

From Jackpot:
Iron Wookie wrote:
Honestly, people. Calm down and be rational! Some people on this board
act as though "The Dude" killed their grandmother. Names are simply
names, and names only carry the significance we assign to them.

This wouldn't be as big a deal if it wasn't a huge middle-finger to 3H
and Hasbro. This isn't just about what the toy identities are worth to
us as individual fans, but what the secrecy means to the creators of the
toys and the convention organizers. They've worked hard to maintain a
BotCon tradition that they obviously value for the excitement it brings
to the convention, itself. The fact that spoilers exist is already a
slap in their face, but posting UNAVOIDABLE spoilers is an extra-special
"up yours."

Dreamwave's More Than Meets The Eye #2 hit stands! Hooray!

From Zobovor:
Saying that somebody like Goldbug or any given Micromaster has "no known
weaknesses" is just dim. He's a freakin' MICROMASTER. That's his weakness
right there.

Zobovor... "I dunno, we've tried everything! Proton bombs, fusion rifles,
incendiary blasters, this guy just can't be stopped! He's got no known
weaknesses, as far as we can tell. What's that? Well, no, we haven't tried
stepping on him yet, why do you ask?"


THREAD: "disapointed in TFU"
Missing the point, in abundance.

From Chibi Light:
I was addressing specifically Beast War toys before they did the toy
equivalent of jumping the shark and came up with as many gimics as

From Iacon:
Frankly, when it comes to sheer ingenuity, imagination and complexity
of design, I'd say that, as it stands now, the entire Transformers line as
a whole jumped the shark sometime between Hammerstrike and Sky Byte...

THREAD: "Death in the G2 Comics - A little Furman bashing"
Did Furman hack'n'slash too much of the cast?

From Mark Brown:
I've always wanted to see Transformers 'porting their "dead" (much like the
'cons did in TFTM, except that they were mostly walking wounded). Just a
little throwaway scene or something that we could point to as meagre hope of

"He's alright, just in stasis-lock. . . Uh, did anyone remember to pick up
his head when we retreated?"

THREAD: " The Honorable Alternative to GlenCon"
BURN in the fires of RAKSHA...

From Skyflight: Irrellius Spam of the Potato People wrote:
If I call you a butthead it is not ad hominem.

I have to wonder Irrellius, do you research anything before you type it? What you've cited is a *text book case* of ad hominem. Unless what you're saying is that if you address my points *and also* call me names, it's not ad hominem - which is precisely the point I've been trying to make. Do some research before you reply. Start here, third example in the first part -

NEWS: Hasbro announces the most serious-looking news ever about a live-action Transformers movie.
NEWS: From, the first images of Transformers: Energon.

THREAD: "As If Seibertron Wasn't Scummy Enough"
Bounty hunters! We don't need those scum! offers *rewards* for *theft*. This is seriously low, folks.

THREAD: " Excuse me while I toot my own horn... "
Jackpot tells us what he did and shows us the pics that were TOO HOT FOR DREAMWAVE!

Jackpot, on his version of Joyride:
Actually, I agree that his torso turned out weirdly, and it's because he
doesn't have an abdomen to speak of. Of course, if I were a REAL artist,
I would've just fudged one into there, but obsessive toy-accuracy and the
shadow of vast, predatory deadlines won the day.

THREAD: " "Galvatron is 9 inches tall" "

THREAD: "Why Action Masters STILL Rock"

From John Porter:
That reminds me of how my little brother and I played with our toys.
We used to have our own sort of minature universe in which all our
figures - Transformers, Ghostbusters, Turtles, Robocop and everything
else peacefully (well, actually not-so-peacefully) co-existed. We
would have enormous battles, sometimes patterened after things like
the Underbase saga in the comics, where figures were dropping left and
right. Then there'd be rows over one person killing off another
person's favorite toy. At some point, my mother would always
intervene, and say the exact same thing: "Can't your toys do *nice*
things together, instead of fighting?" Yeah, right mom. Because boys
really enjoy organizing play-dates amongst their figures and having
them all go ballroom dancing. :-p

(Well I say that, but my little brother did arrange a wedding between
his Robocop and Officer Lewis figures... the twist however was that
the building got blown up before they could go through with the vows.
Eat your heart out, Sunset Beach.) ^o

From Derik Smith:
Apparently Matel snapped up the copyright
on 'Botcon' when no one was paying attention and released a 'Betty Botcon'
feed-and-wet doll. Glen thus had no choice to seek a new name or the 'con. I
was hoping maybe we'd get 'Autobot Con,' 'Battle Botcon' or 'Con Changer,' but
I guess Official TransFormers Collector Convention is better than calling it

NEWS: Alternators Smokescreen and 20th Anniversary Prime. ROCK.

* Energon announced
* OTFCC happened
* Unicron appears in stores

THREAD: "[MISC] Skyflight"
From Neale Davidson:
On 3 August, 2003, Burt "Skyflight" Ward passed away from terminal cancer at Hubbard Hospice House in Charleston, Ohio at the age of 28. He was known as a proud and loyal friend to Raksha, and other persons who regularly attended the 'Transformers: Decepticon Dominion' mush, as well as an outspoken fan of the Decepticon faction of the original Transformers: Cartoon. I'll let others speak on him and his passing, but I wanted to carry the news through to

From Brian Kilby:
This is all news to me. I didn't even know he was sick. God. I so very much hate hearing this. I didn't associate with Skyf much beyond his tenure in #Wiigii! but I'm glad I got the chance to know him.

From Thylacine2000:
Goodbye, Burt. I'll miss you. I already do.

From Tonyfitz:
Burt and I more often than not didn't see eye to eye on things. Actually, just a few months ago I remember finding myself surprised that he an I were on the same side of a debate one night in #WiiGii!

Hell, we both saw the humor in that.

Yet, personal opinions aside, I always respected Skyf's unwavering stances in a discussion. No matter how wrong everyone else thought he was, he'd stick to his guns. And with that, there's a special passion that passes from this world with him.

From Merytneith:
I am very sorry to hear this news. Although I never knew Mr. Ward personally, I came to admire and respect his tenacious discussion style after numerous discussions here on ATT on myriad subjects. That he and I often stood upon opposite sides of the given issue was of no consequence given the professional and reasonable tone he unerringly employed when debating with me. The fandom has lost a true and dedicated member of the community, and his loss is indeed our own.

From Jackpot:
Wow. As much as I locked horns with him, knowing that he's gone leaves a real sense of emptiness... Skyf was truly nothing if not dependable, a constant within this corner of the fandom. No one marched against the throng and waved the banner of Decepticonism like he did, engaging multiple opponents in tireless debate for days on end.

And, unlike many of those opponents, Skyflight rarely lost his temper; he was stoic and cordial in the face of every kind of flame imaginable. Oh, he had his fiery moments, but the overwhelming majority of his posts were nothing if not calm and composed.

Which, of course, does NOT mean he wasn't an infuriating, slippery, thick-skulled troublemaker with severe problems understanding and using the logic he boasted of. If I'm going to eulogize, then by gods, I'm going to call it exactly like I saw it - his inability to defend himself be damned. There was nobody quite like Skyf when it came to projecting the *appearance* of rational debate, when really all he did was chase tangents around in circles and repeat his axioms with little regard to the actual points his opponents were making.

And, because of that, he inadvertantly helped pull me into ATT - and, by extension, into the online fandom as a whole. I really didn't have much I felt like talking about when it came to TF, back in the day... but I sure as hell could tackle these "Decepticon supporters," THAT I knew for sure! Many of my first in-depth online TF discussions came of arguing with Skyf, and the subjects quickly went far beyond the cartoon they obstensively were about. What we were really debating was moral relativism, that hoary old chestnut that philosophers have been trying to crack for centuries. And I can genuinely say that my debates with Skyf forced me to think deeper, longer, and more concretely about many of my principles, and I walked away feeling enriched for it.

So just as Skyf's posts brought out some of the worst anger and flaming this NG has to offer, they also could inspire some of the most well- thought-out, intelligent, stimulating activity from our best and brightest minds. Sadly, however, as the years went by, our best and brightest grew tired, and there was little left but the standard flamage. Still, though, Skyf weathered on, defending his views with his trademark composure right up to the end. Whether that was inconsiderate troll-baiting or admirable resolve is a matter of contention. All I can say now is, its sudden and absolute absence doesn't feel right.

I never knew "Burt Ward" the fleshling... only "Skyflight" the netizen. But he certainly had real-life family and friends, and my heart of course goes out to all of them. As David "Walky" Willis put it so perfectly and succinctly on the AllSpark, "We fought a lot. But no one deserves to die."

- Jackpot (who's sure that, if there is a God, Skyf is right now doggedly trying to prove to Him that He doesn't exist.)

From Derik Smith, on Alternators:
> I've heard Sideswipe and Smokescreen, but who are the other 4 going to be?

Inky, Blinky, Pinky, and Clyde.

'Battle Clyde' actually. They lost just Clyde to come video game.

Speculation that 'Pinkey' might refer to Arcee.

THREAD: " A long rant "
Nostalgia vs. geniuine quality -- which is it that makes G1 so attractive to some? Also also, disecting the absence of on-package tech specs.

From Doug Dlin:
However, despite the distinct comparative lack of characterization in the last couple of years' worth of characters (with a few notable exceptions), the toys have been selling better than ever. What this tells Hasbro is that such characterization isn't necessary to making a profit. Sure, they might make MORE profit, in the long term if not immediately, if they were to have that early level of character development re-instituted and maintained. However, the expense of hiring writers to come up with such characterization, plus the cost of added time for working it into the toy packaging, TV scripts, etc., may not seem worth the potential gain to them. I lament this, but I can't fault Hasbro for following what seems to be a fiscally sensible approach.

From Thomas Hamman, on Machine Wars Optimus Prime:
> That's just a downgraded Thunderclash. Thunderclash could kick MW
> Prime's ass from here to Cybertron.

If by "downgraded" you mean "has a missile gimmick that doesn't jam every
two seconds", sure.

Hey, that's just a sign of how sophisticated his weapons are...very
advanced technology...just like an M-16 vs. an AK-47 in desertic

From Walky, on Dreamwave art:
As for Soundwave
here... it looks like he's sitting down, but someone subspaced his chair
as a prank. I swear, if I never see another piece of art where a character
is squatting and reaching out at you with one hand, it'll be too soon.

Oops, kinda been falling down on the job, haven't I? Sorry, they don't let me out of here much.

THREAD: "[ART] Nightbeat & Co.: In-and-Out, No Problem"
From Doug Dlin, quoting Mery:
>The best artists in the world are only those
> best at schooling clumsy human hands to approximate the
> ethereal images otherwise doomed to perish within the mind's
> eye. What is this, Jackpot's Siren, if not a synecdochal
> reminder of the obverse principle-- that in the hands of a
> gifted artist even the most pedestrian object may aspire to
> the sublime, so crude-carved stones cast Aristotlean shadows
> on the cavern wall, the long-forgotten ideal origin
> remembered and rejoiced at last by one trained to see and
> show to other eyes?

<Homer> That's okay, Lisa. I like making up words too.

THREAD: "Zob's Thoughts on Semi-New Minicons and TFU Toys "
The merits of Armada, and Derik's alternate take on what TFU might have been

THREAD: "[Energon] puts up pictures of Wave 1.5"
Actual site updates from Hasbro!

THREAD: "BinalTech Smokescreen data"
Metal vs. plastic, plastic vs. metal. PLACE BETS NOW!!!!!

From Exatron:
Purple Haze wrote:
> IMO, I find the construction *methods* of G1 superior, not the
> material, per se. Limbs wouldn't fall off and need to be put back
> in as has happened often with Armada toys for me.

Of course that wouldn't happen with G1 toys. When G1 figures broke
they stayed that way, dammit.

THREAD: " US Masterpiece Prime made of plastic? "
And more. Yay.

From Ramen Junkie:
Except that unlike you or I, Hasbro is a corporation. They ship in
tremendous bulk. No one cares about weight when you're shipping thousands
or a million units. Hell Hasbro probably has their own cargo ship. The two
toys are identical in volume. Basically Hasbro would likely pay the same
amount to ship bags of air as they would to ship say, lead bricks.

From Aaron Borque:
Dear Lord Christ.

This is starting to become the new Reissue Gun Megatron!

Aaron "The Mad Whitaker" Bourque; which was the new trukk not

From Kilby:
> That's what gets me - can we really trust Hasbro about how much die-cast
> it's made of?

Oh, I know EXACTLY what you mean. I don't trust Hasbro at all anymore.
Everytime I go to the store to buy a Transformer, I first check to make sure
that it IS a Transformer. You don't know how many times I've bought a TF and
it was something else. Once I bought a TF and it was just a piece of rubber.

The last time I bought a TF and didn't check first, I ended up buying child
pornography. Damn you Hasbro! Damn you!

THREAD: "TRU G1 Reissues - How well are they selling? "

From Sipher:
(Guessformer: (n) A Transformer whose robot-mode parts in alternate
configuration have no clear or intuitive postitioning, due to a lack of
feaures such as peg-and-socket assemblies, limited range of motion, etc.,
neccessitating the use of instructions. Particularly those toys where
incorrect positioning makes completing the transformation difficult or
impossible. See also: Transmetal Rattrap's arms, BW Neo Dead End, Break,
Side Burn.)

THREAD: "Energon Production Material on E-bay (Some Spoilers)"
Those who fail to learn from Dark Glass are doomed to repeat it.

NEWS NEWS and MORE NEWS! Alternators Hound, Energon Perceptor and Demolishor, K-Mart 2-pack Prime and Jetfire, Smallest TFs wave 2, and a paper trailer for 20th Prime.

THREAD: "Black Friday"
The retail nightmare approaches! Cashiers everywhere brace....

A lovely sentiment from Ethan Hammond:
> >If it is on the shelf they have to sell it.

> That is a patently false statement.

Not in Texas and not if I whine loud enough.

THREAD: "knockoff explosion!"
From "Paul":
my wife asked what happened and she says "Well, it's
cheap plastic." "Yeah, true." I said, removing Bonecrusher to get a better
look at him and he just EXPLODES in my hands! Parts go everywhere I didn't
even push/pull/touch ANYTHING!!!

From Devvi:
I want one of those. Period.

From Walky, quoting Kilby:
> > I also agree with idea of rixter, TM Springer, Ethan Hammond, and
> > those like them being ideal people for A.T.T. I mean to say I agree
> > that I think they should be the type to make up the group. Not
> > trouble makers like Tycline and Aaron and Stevie-o wanna be.

> Rixter? Tycline? Stevie-o? Who are they?

They're Trixter, Thylacine, and Steve-o's names in Japan's release
of ATT.

Energon hits in massive force, Alternators start popping up, the Armada comic and cartoon end, and some other stuff happened too.

Nothing else happened.

The end.


Back to Rob's Pile of Transformers.