Rob's Pile of Transformers: "Birds of a Feather"


4/01/98

Through an annonymous source, I have come into possession of the Beast
Wars script that was originally scheduled to air in the spot where we
ended up getting "The Low Road".  I don't have all the details but
apparently this script got axed at the last minute due to was was
described as "too many obscure references".  IMO it's not a particularly
noteworthy episode and "Low Road" was probably better.  Still, it's kind
of interesting to look at what we might have gotten instead of
rhinoceros farts..



"Birds of a Feather" 

(BW022)

Written by:

Prali Folos

SECOND DRAFT

01/4/96

copyright 1996 Pandimensional Productions





BEAST WARS

"Birds of a Feather"

ACT ONE

FADE IN:

ESTABLISHING SHOT -- the Maximal Base -- long aerial shot

new angle -- close in

DINOBOT (B) stalks towards the base elevators, somewhat stealthily.  He
carries something in one hand -- WE DO NOT YET SEE WHAT.  He BOARDS the
elevator which LIFTS into the base. 

to:

int. the maximal base

RATTRAP (R) sits at a console, running scans.  Behind him Dinobot RISES
into view, still hiding his unknown cargo from us.  He REACTS to Rattrap's
presence, and tries to sidle off the lift without being noticed.

on Rattrap's face 

He smiles to himself knowingly.

new angle

As dinobot nears the exit, Rattrap SPINS around in his chair.  Dinobot
JUMPS as if stung.

rattrap (R)

Ha!  Gotcha!

on dinobot

He says nothing, but scowls angrily.

rattrap (R)*

Oh, come on, don't tell me you thought you could sneak by the rat!

dinobot (B)

Sadly, fortune has never smiled on me quite that much.

rattrap (R)

So, ah, did ya have fun on patrol?  Bump into any of your Preddy pals out
there?

dinobot (B)

(still concealing his possession)

If I did, it would STILL be none of your concern, rodent.

rattrap (R)*

(mock offense)

Oh, well, exCUSE me!  Just tryin' to show a little concern here, know what
I'm sayin?

dinobot (R)

(starting to leave)

Of course.

rattrap (R)

Hey whoah, where you goin' in such a hurry? Not even gonna take time to
put down the ol' 

(imitating Dinobot)

Maximal sentiment?

dinobot (R)

I assure you I have better things to do than waste my time enumerating
your obvious shortcomings, vermin.

rattrap (R)

Oh yeah?  Never stopped ya before, iguana head -- 

He stops -- he has noticed Dinobot's hand.

rattrap (r, cont.)

Hey, ah, whatcha got there?

dinobot (R)

Nothing that need concern you.

on rattrap

Rattrap STANDS and approaches Dinobot, blocking his retreat out of the
control center.

rattrap (R)

(laughing in amusement)

Oh, no no no!  THIS I gotta see!

dinobot (R)

Stay BACK, mouse!

rattrap (R)*

Oooh no! Anything you're sneakin' past me like this has GOT be
interestin'.

dinobot (R)

It is my affair alone.  Now stand aside. If I remove you from my path, 
it will be... permanently.

new angle

wide on dinobot and rattrap

They continue to bicker.  Rattrap dodges, trying to see behind Dinobot, to
no avail.

on the computer

A panel lights up with space graphics, and we here an insistent SFX:
BEEPING.  Dinobot and Rattrap ignore it at first, until...

rhinox (R, OS)

Take a seat, you two, long range scanners are picking up -- 

RHINOX enters from another passageway, and SEES the two quarrelers.

rhinox (R)

What's going on?

rattrap (R)
 
Oh, nothin', just old raptor head here is bringing a new toy to the base,
and he doesn't wanna SHARE wit me.

on rhinox

rhinox (R)

Dinobot?  What have you --

He GASPS as he sees what Dinobot has.  

on rattrap

Rattrap REACTS as well.

rattrap (R)**

Holy stink-slaggin' matrix mother prime-loadin' --to:

establishing shot -- the predacon base

Sinister.  Lightening effects play all around.

int. pred base

on MEGATRON (R)

The Predacon leader sits in his control chair, watching a screen.

megatron (R)

Computer!  Calculate stasis pod landing site.

pred computer (VO)

Grid Powers, coordinates oh four oh one.

megatron (R)

(angry growl)

Well inside Maximal territory.

WIDEN to reveal SCORPONOK (R) watching over Megatron's shoulder.  He's
worried.

scorponok (R)

So what are we going to do? We can't just let those Maximals have it!

megatron (R)

(somewhat resigned)

It is too late to prevent this pod from falling into their hands. But we
are not... how shall I say... 
 
(he glances OS)

on the GOLDEN DISK, floating in stasis beams

megatron (R, vo)

...entirely out of the game, no.  Summon the fliers.  And have Tarantulus
report to me at once.

ZOOM IN on the disks and HOLD for a beat. to:

ext. maximal base

rattrap (R, vo)

(shocked)

Where did you get that thing?!

int. maximal base

dinobot (B)

This is none of your concern, rodent.

(looks pointedly at Rhinox)

Nor yours, either.

rattrap (R)

Like slag it isn't!  What, did you just FIND it or something?

dinobot (B)

It is MINE!  WHERE I got it does not matter.

rhinox (R)

Afraid you're wrong about that, Dinobot.

rattrap (R)

As USUAL.

rhinox (R)

(Ignoring Rattrap)

But we don't have time for this now.

He POINTS to the computer screen.

rhinox (R)

We've got a stasis pod coming down less than five clicks from the base.

Rhinox PUSHES past them, waving them to follow.  He ACTIVATES the com
panel.

rhinox (R)

Computer.  Locate and report on all Maximal units outside the base.

computer (vo)

Unit Optimus Primal: grid zeta two one. Unit Airazor, grid beta, four
four.  Unit Cheetor, grid beta, nine eight.  Unit Tigatron is not within
scanning range.

Rhinox punches the com console.

rhinox (R)

Maximal base calling Optimus Primal.  Acknowledge, Optimus.

But he is answered only by an SFX: STATIC.

rhinox (R)

Terrific.  Too much interferance.  And Cheetor and Airazor are too close
to the Pred base to risk an open transmission.

rattrap (R)

It's always somethin', ain't it?

rhinox (R)

Looks like it's up to us.  We'd best get moving. I'd feel pretty foolish
having to tell Optimus that we lost this one to the Predacons.

rattrap

Whoa whoa whoa, time out, wait just one second here!  You mean we're just
gonna let old Dinoboob walk into the base with that thing, and --

rhinox (R)

We'll handle it later.  Right now that pod's the only thing that matters.

rattrap (R)

(muttering to himself)

Spoken like someone who don't know nothin' about it.

wide shot

Rattrap and Rhinox prepare to move out.  Dinobot is hesitant.  NOTE: WE
STILL HAVE NOT SEEN WHAT HE CARRIES.

rattrap (R)

Well come on lizard lips!

dinobot (B)

My rig--

rhinox (R)

Leave it!  Let's go.

Dinobot SCOWLS and TOSSES his still unseen possession onto the central
scanner table, then EXITS with the others.  It lands with a heavy SFX:
CLANK.to:

ext - maximal base -- wide shot

The elevators lower, and Rhinox (B), Dinobot (B), and Rattrap (B) exit,
charging off towards the pod.  Pull back to reveal BLACKARACHNIA watching
from concealment.

blackarachnia (B)

Seems the Maximals are leaving home without a house sitter.  

She scuttles towards the base.

blackarachnia (B, cont.)

(chuckles to herself)

Well, they're going to get one now!

to:

ext -- pred base

All is still, until SWOOSH!  INFERNO (flight mode), TERRORSAUR (B) and
WASPINATOR (B) fly past cam.  HOLD on them as they RECEDE into the
distance, then ZOOM!  AIRAZOR (B) flies over cam as well, in pursuit.

airazor (B)
 
Hmmm... now what could this be about?

ELECTRONIC POV: airazor

on the pred fliers in the distance

airazor (B, cont.)*

I'm betting that those three aren't just out for a night on the town...
Airazor to Cheetor.

SFX: COM SIGNAL

cheetor (B, vo)

Cheetor here.  What's the scoop, sister spy?

airazor (B)
 
The Predicon flyers just lit out for the highlands.  And they're not
wasting time.

on CHEETOR

cheetor (B)

Copy that.  Any idea what they're after?

on airazor

airazor (B)

As they say, we'll know when we get there.  Home in on my signal.

cheetor (B, vo)

Will do, flyin' femme.  

on cheetor 

cheetor (B, cont)

Cheetor out.

He stands, then SPRINGS out of the frame, racing at top speed.

cheetor (B)

ROWWR!!! to:

ext -- mountain top with communcations tower.  Terrorsaur is rapidly
working a console while Inferno and Waspinator stand guard.

waspinator (B)

waspinator does not understand.  Why so much fuss for stupid transmission
beam?

inferno (B)

Only the Royalty need understand.  For the rest, to serve is glory enough!

Waspinator shakes his head, befuddled.

waspinator (B)

What is ant-bot talking about?

PULL BACK to reveal Airazor watching.

airazor (B)
 
(chuckles to herself)

Whatever else you think about Waspinator, you got to admit -- that's a
good question.

(more serious)

TWO good questions.  Why ARE they going through so much trouble for --

(GASPS)

on: evening sky

A flaming object hurtles through the atmosphere -- the STASIS POD

on cheetor

RUNNING across a rocky plain, he REACTS as he sees the pod.

(startled GASP)

cheetor (B)

Holy hetrodine, another stasis pod! 

He punches a com line and speaks, only to be interrupted by Airazor

cheetor (B)

Airazor come in --

airazor (B, vo)

(simultaneously)
 
Cheetor come in --

They both chuckle slightly.

cheetor (B)

You see it too, huh?

on airazor

She watches as the pod decends

airazor (B)

Yes.  It's practically landing on our base doorstep.

on the com tower

The laser dish TRACKS the falling pod

airazor (B cont.)

And it looks like the Predacons are getting ready to signal it!

cheetor (B vo)

Can you stop them?

airazor (B)

I'll sure give it a try.  But I could really go for some backup!

cheetor (B vo)

Hang on, I'm on my way!

airazor (B)

(quietly)

Airazor, maximize!

on terrorsaur

He LOOKS UP from his work

terrorsaur (R)

It's done.  All we have to do now is --

He PRESSES a final button on the controls

terrorsaur (R, cont.)

Watch the show!

The communication tower GLOWS with a powerful light. 

airazor (R, os)

Sorry, Terrorsaur, I'm afraid the show is all sold out!

on airazor

She AIMS her wrist blasters and FIRES a full spread

on the predacons

The Preds REACT to this

terrorsaur (R)

No!

quick shot -- on waspinator

waspinator (B)

Waspinator KNOW he get blamed for this...

on inferno

inferno (B)

You will not stop our work for the Royalty!  Inferno, TERRORIZE!

He TRANSFORMS and LAUNCHES into the air, throwing himself into the path of
Airazor's shots.  THOOM THOOM THOOM!  Inferno takes all the hits right in
the chestplates, leaving the tower untouched.

inferno (R)

(crazed laugh)

Inferno falls from the sky, smoldering.  He IMPACTS the ground hard but
scrambles to his feet, pulling out his flamethrower.

inferno (R)

Now I will teach you to burn, Maximal!

TIGHT SHOT of Inferno cocking his weapon.  We here two more SFX: COCKED
GUNS and then PULL BACK to reveal Terrorsaur (R) and Waspinator (R) on
either side, also aiming at Airazor.

on airazor

She takes a step back, nervously

airazor (R)*

Uh oh...

FADE OUT

END ACT ONE


ACT TWO

fade in:

ext - jungle terrain

OPTIMUS PRIMAL (B) is loping along, not in any hurry.

optimus primal (B)**
 
Well, almost home.  And with a whole hard drive's worth of reconnaisance
data.

He strolls on for a moment, enjoying the quiet.

optimus (B, cont.)

Although, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to check in.

He touches his com unit.

optimus primal (B)

Optimus Primal to Maximal base...

int. maximal base

on the computer

optimus primal (B vo)

Come in, Maximal base.

Graphics play on the screen, indicating that the transmission is being
passed along to Rhinox.to:

ext -- rocky terrain

Rhinox and company are charging through the wilderness.

optimus primal (B vo)

Maximal base, please respond. This is Optimus Primal calling.

rhinox (B)

Optimus!  Can you hear me?

optimus primal (B vo)
 
Loud and clear, big guy.  I'm almost home.

rhinox (B)

And not a moment too soon.  We're tracking a pod that's about to impact
north of the base.  Rattrap Dinobot and I are on our way but the base is
empty.

optimus primal (B vo)

Copy that.  I'll have the fuel rods warmed by the time you get back.  Let
me know if you need back up.  Good luck!

rhinox (B)

Thanks, Optimus.  Rhinox out.

on optimus

optimus primal (B)

Optimus Primal, maximize!

He TRANSFORMS, his jets already ignited, and rockets off into the sky.to:

ext -- com tower

on airazor

PULL BACK to reveal the three preds aiming for her.  They all FIRE at the
same instant.  Airazor leaps into the air an instant before the shots
converge where she was standing.

airazor (R)

uhhhhh!

She TUMBLES head over heels for a moment, then rights herself.  She starts
to take aim again, only to see the tower glow more brightly.  A  laser
transmission (like that seen in BW013) pulses off into the distance.

terrosaur (R)

(evil cackle)

You're too late, Maximal!

airazor (R)

I have a very bad feeling about this.

waspinator (R)

(aiming his weapon)

Bird bot not feel bad for long -- YEAAAAG!!

His weapon FLIES OS, shot from out of his hand.

on cheetor, his gun still smoking

cheetor (R)

She's gonna feel better than you, bug brain!

He FIRES repeatedly.  Waspintor is HIT in the shoulder, spinning him
completely around, then in the other shoulder, spinning him the other way.
A third shot to the chest knocks him in a backward loop.  He comes to a
mid-air stop, then FALLS and SPLATS comically on the ground, a delerious
look on his face.

waspinator (R)**

(drunkenly)

Waspinator in love, and Waspinator feel fine...

on airazor

Firing repeatedly from cover.  Shots hit around her.

airazor (R)

They already sent the signal to the pod!

cheetor (R)

Then let's clear out.  We gotta warn the others something's up!

They BACK away from their positions, then TRANSFORM and depart.

on inferno and terrorsaur

Inferno is battered from the fight.  One of his arms is missing, the other
is barely holding on.  He and Terrorsaur both revel in their triumph.

inferno 
 
(jubulant)

A great victory!  All glory to the Royalty!

He starts to RAISE his gun in a salute, only to have his remaining arm
fall off, SPARKING.  HOLD a beat on his confused face, then to:

on the stasis pod

The pod is still SMOLDERING from the impact.  The DNA scanner RISES from
the pod housing.

pod computer (VO)

Scanning for compatible lifeforms.

The scanner has begun to pass over a wild chicken, when suddenly the
predacon laser beam STRIKES the pod.

pod computer (VO)

Scanning and replication complete.

The pod GLOWS with a brilliant light, and we see a figure emerge, backlit
by the glow but otherwise dark to us. to:

ext -- mountainous terrain

Rhinox (B) and Dinobot (B) are running towards the fallen pod.  Rattrap
(B) rides atop Rhinox.

rhinox (B)

Almost there.  Compared to other times, this one's turning out to be a
breeze.

rattrap (B)

Yep, that's usually what you say... right before it all goes to the
Inferno.

dinobot (B)

Just the sort of prediction I would expect from a bungler like yourself.

rattrap (B)
 
You wanna save it for later, Chopperface?  Cause right now, we got work to
--

(reacting OS -- GASP)

rhinox (B)

What?!

Rhinox SKIDS to a halt at the top of a ridge.  Dinobot IMPACTS him from
behind and is knocked comically to the ground.

dinobot (B)

(shaking off the impact)

Near-sighted land sloth!

He gets to his feet and stands alongside Rhinox.

dinobot (B)**

Why in the Inferno are you stopping --

Dinobot REACTS OS.  FOLLOW his gaze to reveal:

on the stasis pod**

In the valley below the pod sits -- empty.to:

ext. maximal base**

Blackarachnia (R) APPROACHES, slipping from cover to cover.  The autoguns
SCAN PAST her cover, missing her.  She DUCKS underneath the base, and
quickly BLASTS a hole and clambers in.

blackarachnia (R)**

All too easy.  Perhaps these Maximals are not as strong as Megatron
thought.

She moves off into the base.to:

int. maximal base -- control room

Blackarachnia enters from one passageway and heads towards the computer
banks.

blackarachnia (R)

Now, let's see what sort of goodies the Maximals have left lying around --

(stunned gasp)

low angle shot -- on the table, Blackarachnia in the background

She stops, agape.  She sees what Dinobot left behind.

blackarachnia (R)

It... can't be!

She steps forward, examines it closely.

blackarachnia (R)
 
I thought devices like this were nothing but a legend.

She picks it up, a smile creasing her face, but the table still blocks our
view of it

blackarachnia (R)

But... evidently not. With this in my possession, I could have enough
power to rule the Predacons! 

to:

ext. maximal base

Optimus Primal (R) is just arriving flying down towards the base, when he
sees Blackarachnia scuttling away from the base.  He flips out his
launchers.

optimus primal (R)*

Don't you just hate party crashers?

BLAM!  He FIRES a spread at Blackarachnia.  But she reacts in time and
dodges.  The explosions tear up the ground around her and send her sailing
through the air.  SPLAT!  She slams into a rock, her legs flying out in
all directions.

blackarachnia (R)

Ahhhhk!!

Optimus Primal lands as Blackarachnia TRANSFORMS and turns to face him.  
Optimus AIMS at her with all
weapons.

optimus primal (R)
 
Just hold it right there, spider.  We've got quite a bit to talk about.

long shot of blackarachnia

blackarachnia (R)

(nasty chuckle)

Let me guess... you think you can stop me, huh chimp?

She pulls out the device she stole from the base.  It is some sort of
black metal latticework but we still do not see it clearly.

She CHARGES.  Optimus opens fire but the shots simply bounce off her
harmlessly.

tight shot -- on optimus

He reacts in horror

quick shot -- on blackarachnia

Charging at him

CRASH!!  The spider barrels over Optimus, then bounds away, cackling.

blackarachnia (R)

(wicked laughs)

on optimus

Lying on the ground, battered.  SHAKES his head and starts to rise.

optimus (R)

(moan of pain)

rhinox (B, OS)

Optimus!

The three searchers return, running up to gather around their fallen
leader.

optimus (R)

Uhhh... What... what happened to the pod?

rhinox

Empty when we got there.  We were hoping the base sensors could locate the
new robot.

optimus ( )

Prime.  And now we've got another problem...

to:

on blackarachnia (B)

Scuttling across the terrain 

chickenator (R, OS)

Halt, cowardly criminal!  For I have come to put an end to your scheming,
devious ways!

Blackarachnia turns and stares in horror.  FOLLOW her gaze skyward to
REVEAL a strangely costumed figure covered with thousands of tiny white
feathers fluttering out of the sky: CHICKENATOR (R).

chickenator (R)

Do not resist, evil villian, for there is no escape from the purging
justice of my righteous wrath.

blackarachnia (B)

(unimpressed)

Yeah, right.  Blackarachnia, terrorize!

She TRANSFORMS and FIRES with her machine guns.  But Chickenator LEAPS and
DODGES, bounding and coming closer.

chickenator (R)

(heroic war cry)

Bock BOCK bock BOOOOOOOOOOOCK!!

blackarachnia (R)

What's your problem, Maximal?!

chickenator (R)

Oh, ma'am, it saddens me to do this.  But I must turn you over to the
proper authorities. For the good of yourself and for every law-abiding
citizen on this world, I must save you from yourself!

blackarachnia (R)**

Ugg, I can't take this anymore!

She charges.  But the power of his speech is too much.  She can't get past
him.

chickenator 

Yes, with the backing of peace-loving citizens everywhere, I rise up in
the name of justice, in the name of freedom, in the name of law and order,
to strike down crime with a single blow from my voluminous fist.

blackarachnia 

Agg!  This is too much!

dramatic on Blackarachnia

She reaches into a storage compartment and pulls out the object she stole
from the base; we at last see it clearly: the RIGID GRILL STRUCTURE.  She
charges at Chickenator, weilding the grill structure before her.

quick shot -- on chickenator

His eyes go wide.

chickenator ( )

Oh no.

BLAM!!!  Blackarachnia crashes through him without missing a step.
Chickenator is sent flying high through the air and over the horizon.
Blackarachnia bounds away, cackling.

to:

ext. maximal base -- the Maximals are gathered around Optimus.

optimus (B)

Blackarachnia -- we've got to go after her.  She had... a rigid grill
structure!

The others REACT to this news.

rattrap (B)

Hmmm, and I wonder where she could have gotten it from?

Dinobot shakes his head.

dinobot (B)

It can wait.  There is a new Maximal on the loose.  He must be located and
brought to the fold.  It will give us... strategic advantage.

rattrap (B)

What ol' Dinodork is trying to keep from sayin' is that HE'S the one who
dragged that thing into base.

dinobot (B)

Better there than left in the open, unguarded.

rattrap (B)

Oh, yeah, it turned out to be a heapin' lot safer in here --

dinobot (B)

Insolent VERMIN!  It was MY rigid grill structure!

rattrap (B)

Ohhh, well, Dinobot has spoken!  Well, Mr. Pred head, ever stop to think
that it might be better off left wherever you found it?

Optimus STEPS IN, to break up a fight before it starts.

optimus (B)

(sternly)

At ease, Rattrap.  Dinobot, I want to hear the whole story.

dinobot (B)

The golden disks were not the only thing we stole during our raid on the
Maximal archives.  

QUICK FLASHBACK:

We see the Predacons (MINUS BEAST COMPONENTS) hurredly searching through a
darkened vault.  Dinobot, on his own, picks up something, looks to see if
the others are watching, then stows it away.

dinobot (B cont. -- VO)

There were weapons as well... and when Megatron was not looking, I took
the opportunity to sieze the most powerful weapon of all -- the rigid
grill structure.  

FLASHBACK, cont: the Predacon ship falling out of the sky.  Pieces of it
drift free, blasted loose by the Axalon's guns.

dinobot (B cont. -- VO)

It was designed to protect my portion of our ship -- but it was blown free
during the crash.  

on dinobot

dinobot (B cont.)

I have been searching for it ever since.

optimus (B)

And now you found it.

dinobot (B)

Yes, but thanks to THIS vermin, it was left unguarded in the control
center!

rattrap (B)

Thanks to ME?!  Excuse me? ExCUSE me?!  Are you talkin' ta me?! You're the
brainless reptile who brought it there in the first place!

optimus (B)

(taking charge!)

Stand down, you two, that's an order!  Cheetor, I want you to scout around
and find that new Maximal, get him back to base.  The rest of you head out
after Blackarachnia. Do what you have to, but don't let her get back to
the Predacon base. I'll catch up with you after I make sure she didn't do
any more damage than this.  Move out!

They DEPART, leaving the exterior of the base deserted.  HOLD for a moment
on the empty scene, then from OS Chickenator SAILS into view, propelled by
the impact with Blackarachnia.  He LANDS with an SFX: SPLAT!! at the
base's doorstep.

to:

int. maximal base

Optimus (R) is there, busily running scans on the systems, looking for
damage.  Behind him Chickenator comes into view, emerging from the
elevator.  Optimus TURNS and REACTS to his arrival.

optimus

Well! I see you found your own way back to the nest.  So to speak.
Welcome!  I'm Optimus Primal, group commander.

chickenator (B)

How do you do, sir.  I am Chicken Man, here to strike terrific terror into
the hearts of cowardly criminals everywhere.

optimus primal (B)

Ah, I see.  Well, we can certainly use --

chickenator (B)

Wherever they may hide, I will find them.   For there is no place too dark
to turn back the lights of justice, no scum too scumly to avoid the
cleansing power of my mighty wrath, no evil so great I cannot send it
fleeing with one blow from my enormous fist.

optimus primal (B)

Well, um, that's, er, prime.  Welcome to the Maximals, then.

chickenator (B)

The...Maximals?

optimus primal (B)

Yes, that's right.  You're a Maximal, we all are here. Your data tracks
must have been damaged in --

chickenator (B)
 
The... Maximals.

optimus primal (B)

Yes, that's correct.

chickenator (B)

You actually call yourselves this.

optimus primal (B)

Well, um, sure.

chickenator (B)

And you... tell this to people.

optimus primal (B)

Well, certainly--

chickenator (B)

In public.

optimus primal (B)

I would hope so--

chickenator (B)

Yes, I see.  Well, Mr... um --

optimus primal (B)

Primal.

chickenator (B)

Yes, of course.  Well, Mr. Primal, I'm sorry say that I must arrest you in
the name of intergalactic peace and decency.

optimus primal (B)

What?!

chickenator (B)

I said, I must arrest you.  Now, please do not make this any harder than
it already is!

optimus primal (B)
 
Your data tracks must've been more scrambled than I thought.

chickenator (B)

Yes, for masquerading under a clearly evil scheme to defraud the public, I
must lock you away for your own good! to:

ext: the pred base

megatron (R, vo)

(self-contented chuckle)

int. pred base

megatron (R)

Ahhh... no doubt that new Maximal has been pushed over the edge by now.

GLANCES at the golden disks.

megatron (R, cont)

Thanks to the dose of late twentieth century Earth radio programming we
gave him.  He'll be useless as a warrior... Thus keeping the odds from
tilting in favor of the Maximals!

scorponok (R, os)

Megatron!

on scorponok

scorponok (R, cont)

That female spider's on her way back to base.  And she's carrying
something!

megatron 

On my screen.

A graphic of Blackarachnia (B) appears.

megatron 

Magnify and augment.

The graphic enlarges and reveals the rigid grill structure.

megatron

Ahh!  My dear Dinobot, you don't disapoint. And neither does Ms. Arachnia,
no.  I feared we'd have to search out that little bit of hardware
ourselves.  But now, it comes right to our door.  And with it, the
Maximals' doom.  Predacons! Prepare to move out!

FADE OUT

end act two

act three

FADE IN:

ext - back at the pod crash site

Cheetor stalks all around, carefully sniffing.

cheetor (B)

Well, I got the scent.  And unless I'm going astray, we've got another
flyer on our hands! 

He samples the air a bit longer, then:

cheetor (B)

The trail leads due south.  Gotta hurry while there's still enough of it
to follow!

He heads off.to:

int -- maximal base

optimus

This is rediculous.  I'm not a criminal!

chickenator

Well then, perhaps you can explain all the sophisticated electronics gear
--

optimus

That's simply sophisticated electronics gear.

chickenator

The oddly space ship-like exterior of this structure --

optimus

That's because it's a space ship.

The damage to your unprotected cargo doors --

optimus

It's a long story.

chickenator

And perhaps you could tell me what THAT was doing here!

Chickenator points to the computer screen, which displays an image of the
rigid grill structure.

optimus

That... er, I...

on the lifts

Cheetor (B) rises into view.

cheetor (B)

Hey Big Bot!  Looks like you met our new fellow maximal already!

optimus

"Met" is an understatement.

chickenator

An innocent citizen!  Stand back, noble commoner, while I deal with this
scheming menace to the welfare of all humanity!

cheetor

Huh?  You mean Big Bot?  He's no scheming menace!

chickenator

He's not?

cheetor

No!  He's just our main bot.

chickenator

but what about the, uh, the...

optimus

The grill structure? It belongs to us.  It was stolen.

chickenator

Stolen?  You mean, by criminals?

optimus

Yes, that's right.

chickenator

They... stole this thing from you?

optimus

More or less.  They stole it from the Maximals.

cheetor

He's tellin' the truth!  You gotta believe us, we're wasting time!

chickenator

I see. It seems a grievous error has been committed.  We haven't a moment
to lose.  We must find these doers of dastardly deeds and bring them to
justice.  For where there is injustice, none may live free.  Where there
is no freedom, none may live without fear.  Where none may live without
fear, none may walk down the street without the distinct possibility of
having their wallet and other personal valuables taken from them by
nefarious muggers of slightly below average build wearing a ski mask and
weilding a 22 caliber magnum hand pistol!

optimus

(aside TO CAM)

Yeesh. 

(to chickenator)

Uh, right.  Let's go!to:

ext -- near the pred base -- aerial shot

Blackarachnia scurries across the ground far below.  Airazor comes into
view, much closer to cam.

ELECTRONIC POV: airazor

airazor

Ahh, there you are, spider!  Maximals, come in!

rhinox (B, vo)

Rhinox here.

airazor (B)

I've spotted Blackarachnia.  She's almost back to the Predacon base!

rhinox

We've got your coordinates.  Try to slow her down.

airazor

Consider it done.  Airazor, maximize!

She TRANSFORMS and DIVES at Blackarachnia, weapons blazing.

blackarachnia

Knew that was too easy.  Blackarachnia, terrorize!

She TRANSFORMS and RETURNS FIRE, the rigid grill structure weilded before
her.  Airazor's shots are stopped cold by it.  Blackarachnia FIRES her
launcher gun, the shot coming within a hair's breadth of Airazor.

airazor

uuuuhh!

(dodging shots)

That spider sure knows how to use a grill structure!

She SETS DOWN as the other Maximals arrive and TRANSFORM to robot mode.

rhinox

Blackarachnia?  Surrender!  You're outnumbered!

megatron (B, OS)

Is she?

on the predacons, newly arrived

megatron (B)

By my way of counting, it is YOU who are outnumbered, Rhinox!  In which
case, perhaps YOU would like to surrender.

on rhinox, gearing up for battle

rhinox (R)

Don't give up your fantasies, Megatron. 

He COCKS his weapons

rhinox (R, cont)

Take 'em, guys!

BLAM!! The Maximals open fire with all weapons.

megatron (B)

Predacons, terrorize!

quick shot -- Megatron, Scorponok, Waspinator, Terrorsaur, and Tarantulus,
TRANSFORM and RETURN FIRE

on the maximals

Cheetor (B) and Optimus (B) come bounding up behind the other Maximals as
they scatter and DUCK behind cover

rattrap (R)

Hey, chief chimp!  Just in time for the fun.

optimus (R)

Did you stop Blackarachnia?

rhinox (R)

Fraid not.  The other preds came out to meet her first!

cheetor (R)

Then we gotta sneak behind 'em, take 'em down!

dinobot (R)

A coward's plan!  A frontal assault is the only way!

rattrap (R)

Ooooooo, Dinobot has spoken!

dinobot (R)

(furious)

Stop saying that!

optimus (R)

Form up, here they come!

quick shot -- on blackarachnia, charging into the fray, with the other
predacons behind her

on dinobot

dinobot (R)

(dramatic - he can't believe it)

My rigid grill structure!!  to:

Chickenator (B) comes flapping down from the sky.  He LANDS right in the
Predacons' path, bringing their charge to a halt!  Feathers fly --
dramatic!

chickenator (B)

BOOOCK bock bock bock bock!  Halt, dastardly delinquents!

blackarachnia (R)

Oh no, not him again!

chickenator (B)

Yes, it is I, that bastion of law and order, defender of the helpless,
champion for the cause of the just and right.  I am here to put an end to
your career of lawlessness and uncivil disobediance with a single crashing
blow from my tremendous fist.

blackarachnia

Aaaaaaugh!  Please no!

Chickenator TRANSFORMS and continues to expound upon his mission.

chickenator (R)

Do not attempt to hide, craven and cowardly criminal, for there is no
place you can escape the righteous will of the people.  And the people
have indeed spoken, placing me, Chicken Man, at the forefront of the
battle against hellacious hoodlums and other assorted deleterious
scoundrels who would bring chaos and anarchy on us in these difficult
times.

blackarachnia

(final agonized scream)

Blackarachnia pitches forward onto her face, unconcious.

on megatron, firing repeatedly

Blackarachnia is down... Scorponok!  Terrosaur!  Covering fire!

As the two Predacons lay down a storm of fire, Megatron darts from cover,
charging to where Blackarachnia lies.

optimus (R)

No!  We can't let him get that grill structure.  Cover me!

He CHARGES out into the field, as the others open up with their weapons. 

wide shot -- the battle

Megatron and Optimus charge into the center of the field, amid a furious
barrage of lasers from both directions.  Chickenator, immune to it all,
continues to speak, now directing his words at the Predacons.

chickenator (R)

You're only making it harder on yourself.  For in the end, justice shall
be served, the American way of life upheld, the righteous returned their
just deserts, crushing vengeance shall be mine!  For as the code of
righteousness that inspires me to action is righteous and just, so is the
cause for which I battle.  That of peace, prosperity, harmony, and
law-abidingness, a better world for you and me both.  Free from pollution,
from litter, from the criminal trash of humanity, reformed into law
abiding citizens --

on megatron

He has almost reached Blackarachnia, but stops and FIRES a blast at
Chickenator.

megatron (R)

GRRR!!

Chickenator sidesteps the shot and continues speaking.  Megatron makes it
to Blackarachnia's position, and reaches greedily for the grill structure.

megatron (R)

It is mine now!  All mine!

optimus (R os)

I beg to differ, yes!

CLANG!  Optimus rushes in from OS, barreling Megatron aside.  They
grapple.

chickenator (R)

Surrender, foul foes, for lawless possession shall abide not, for chaos
has no reign so long as I stand to fight for justice.  Yes, with a single
blow from my gigantic fist, I shall wipe crime from the face of the earth
for however long there remains the cry of the helpless, the oppressed, the
weak, the hungry, the starving, the poor, the elderly, and others who for
whatever particular individual circumstances are unable to care for and/or
protect themselves in times of need or in the event of any unspecified
criminal assault.

quick shot -- on rattrap

rattrap (R)

Aww, man!  If this guy's pontification was any more purple he'd be a
polished pole!

wide shot -- the battle

The fight is coming to a halt, as all the combatants begin to feel the
effects of Chickenator's proclamation, which continues in the background.

chickenator (R)

Yes, for though the helpless and the weak have been downtrodden through
the ages, there has at last come one who is capbable of downtroddening the
downtroddeners, a hero to stand up for those who have long been
un-stood-up-for, a single shining light in the murky darkness of all the
chaotic criminal corruption that stains our society like a dark blotch
upon a white surface that has been mopped just the day before.

dinobot (R)

I... I cannot endure this any longer!  I CANNOT!!

He tries to fire an eye blast but can't.  He squeezes his eyes shut and
grips his head in agony.

terrorsaur

ARRRRRR!  Make it stop!  MAKE IT STOOOOP!!

rhinox

He's gotta be stopped.  This barrage of morality'll overload our
philosophy circuitry in just two more cycles !

waspinator

(in pain)

Waspinator cannot STAND chicken bot!

Waspinator shakes unsteadily, his body VIBRATING.  Suddenly his head SPINS
around and around, then POPS off of his body and out of the frame.  His
body FALLS backwards, landing in the dirt.  The head LANDS on his chest.

waspinator 

Nnneeeeyoooooo...

cheetor

I'm gonna kill him!  I'm gonna kill him!  GrrOWWRR!!

rattrap

I'll HELP ya, kiddo!  We'll turn him into chicken pot pie!

cheetor

Hey, I like pie.

terrorsaur

Help!  I -- I can't stand it!  I can't stand it!  Ahh! Ahhhhh ha ha ha!!

Terrosaur flees, SCREAMING and CAPERING across the landscape

on the maximals

Rattrap and Cheetor stand to take Chickenator down, murder in their eyes.
Suddenly they both halt.  Their faces go blank; steam vents from the sides
of their heads.  CLOMP!  They both fall to the ground unconcious.

on the leaders' fight

They are still wrestling, trying to gain control of the rigid grill
structure.

optimus

Your troops have deserted you, Megatron!  Surrender!

megatron 

Predacons... never... surrender!  The rigid grill structure shall be mine!

optimus

Then you'll have to take the speechmaker with it!

megatron

No, NEVER!!

optimus

Alright then, fair enough!  How about... a compromise!

Megatron releases his grip on Optimus

megatron

A compromise?  Of what sort?

optimus

Get your troops to stop firing and then we'll talk.

megatron

Very well, Optimus Primal... but betray me and I'll slag you in a
microsecond.

optimus

You're not the one who has to worry about betrayal, Megatron.

megatron

All Predacons!  Cease fire!

on the preds

It's a moot point -- most of them are bent over in agony and can barely
hold their weapons, let alone shoot

optimus

Maximals!  Hold your ground but don't shoot!

on the maximals -- they're not doing much better than the Preds.

dinobot

Are you INSANE?  A cease-fire, when we are so close to --GRMMPH!

Rattrap LEAPS onto his head and PULLS his jaws shut.

rattrap

Chopperface, just once, I'd like to see you obey an order without givin' a
speech first!

dinobot

Oh, and I suppose I am to learn this by YOUR shining example?

megatron (R)

Now then, Maximal, state your terms, and be quick about it! 

optimus (R)

Alright.  But it means you'll have to give up the rigid grill structure.

megatron (R)

(growls unhappily)

To what end?

optimus (R)

(glancing quickly at chickenator)

I'm pretty sure you can figure it out.  

megatron (R)

(following optimus's gaze)

(chuckles)

Oh, yes.

on chickenator -- from behind

chickenator

And so, as the fight for a fair and equal chance for all citizens
contines, I shall act as the leading light in the darkness.  For though I
am but a humble servant of justice, I am also the -- uh -- I am also
the... um... what... uh... what are you, uh, doing?

As one, Optimus and Megatron turn and advance towards him.

megatron (R)

Ohhhhhhhh, yes! to:

space -- the planet in the background

The rigid grill structure, with Chickenator trapped within, FLOATS away
from the planet and PAST CAM.

chickenator (R)

Umm... maybe I haven't explained well enough... I am the Fantastic
Feathered Fowl... The Wonderful White Winged Weekend Warrior... I think
there's been a, uh... misunderstanding.  If you could just let me out of
here for a minute I'm sure we could work this all out.  I just need to
make a quick phone call to the Commissioner... um, someone... anyone?
Hello?... Did I mention that I catch cold very easily?  Outer space can't
be very good for me, this is a bad time of year for super heroes to be
traveling in cold environments... could, um, somebody, uh, let me out of
here?  Please?....

They drift into the distance and we:

fade out

THE END

Back to Rob's Pile of Transformers