4.19.02
Dear Horde of Mindless Drones,

We have arrived at yet another human settlement. It seems that many years ago, humans who were weak but smart came here in aquatic vessels to flee from other humans who were powerful but dumb and therefore didn't know how to make similar vessels. They created their colony without proper roads! I absorbed a great amount of liquid dihydrous oxide while attempting to traverse the settlement's thoroughfares, till my human companion informed me that boats are the preferred method of travel. He was also kind enough to clean all the rust off of my joints.

Your Loving General,

Scavenger